When the Holidays Hurt: Finding Hope and Healing Through Grief
Practical ways to navigate holiday grief, honor loved ones, and support those who are struggling.
The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness. But what happens when someone you love is no longer there to share them with you?
An empty chair at Thanksgiving dinner. A favorite Christmas song that suddenly brings tears. A family tradition that just doesn't feel the same anymore.
For anyone grieving the loss of a loved one, the holiday season can be one of the most emotionally challenging times of the year.
On a recent episode of Health Matters with Medicine Center Pharmacy, pharmacist Brad White welcomed Chaplain Joseph Kampert of Aultman Health System and author of Grief and Then Comes the Holidays, for an important conversation about navigating grief, finding support, and giving ourselves permission to experience the holidays differently.
Their message was simple but powerful: There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and you don't have to face it alone.
Understanding Grief: It's More Than Sadness
Grief is a natural response to loss, but it doesn't affect everyone the same way.
According to Chaplain Kampert, grief can affect us physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and socially. Feelings of sadness, disbelief, guilt, anger, and even moments of happiness can all be part of the experience.
One important reminder from the conversation is that grief is not a weakness or something we should feel pressured to overcome on someone else's schedule.
Grief also doesn't follow a predictable timeline. You may feel like you're making progress one day, only to find yourself overwhelmed by a memory the next.
And that's okay.
Why the Holidays Can Make Grief More Difficult
Holidays are built around memories, relationships, and traditions.
When someone important is missing, even the simplest activities can become painful reminders of their absence.
Chaplain Kampert explained that grief triggers often appear unexpectedly. A familiar smell, a favorite food at the grocery store, or a song on the radio can bring back powerful emotions.
Thanksgiving, Christmas, Mother's Day, Father's Day, birthdays, and anniversaries can all be especially difficult.
Rather than trying to avoid every reminder, it can help to recognize these triggers and prepare for the emotions they may bring.
Five Ways to Navigate Grief During the Holidays
1. Give Yourself Permission to Do Things Differently
You don't have to celebrate the holidays exactly as you always have.
Maybe you aren't ready to decorate the house, attend a family gathering, or prepare the traditional holiday meal.
That's your decision.
Chaplain Kampert discussed the Griever's Holiday Bill of Rights, which reminds grieving individuals that they have the right to change plans, take a break, experience difficult days, and even enjoy moments of laughter.
You can also decide to start entirely new traditions.
Changing a tradition doesn't mean you're forgetting the person you love.
2. Make a Personal Holiday Plan
One of Chaplain Kampert's most practical recommendations was to write down a holiday plan before the season becomes overwhelming.
Consider these questions:
What parts of the holidays might be the most difficult?
Who can I turn to when I need support?
Which traditions do I want to continue?
What activities would I rather skip this year?
How can I honor my loved one's memory?
Having a plan can provide a sense of direction while still allowing you the flexibility to change your mind.
3. Focus on What You Can Control
You cannot control every memory, emotion, or comment from someone else.
But you can control how much you participate in holiday activities.
For example, Chaplain Kampert suggested driving yourself to gatherings when possible. That way, if you become overwhelmed, you have the freedom to leave when you're ready.
You can also limit decorations, shorten visits, or choose smaller gatherings.
Sometimes the most important decision is simply recognizing what you need in that moment.
4. Find Meaningful Ways to Remember Your Loved One
Remembering someone doesn't have to be limited to sadness.
Creating new ways to honor their memory can help families maintain a meaningful connection with the person they've lost.
Ideas discussed during the program included:
Lighting a memorial candle during a holiday meal.
Hanging a special ornament or stocking.
Sharing favorite stories or photographs.
Preparing a loved one's favorite holiday dish.
Planting a tree or creating a small memorial garden.
Making a charitable donation in their memory.
These activities can be particularly meaningful for children, who may find it easier to express grief through pictures, stories, and keepsakes.
5. Know When to Ask for Help
Grief is a natural experience, but sometimes the emotional burden becomes difficult to manage alone.
Chaplain Kampert emphasized the importance of reaching out when sadness, depression, or anxiety begins interfering with daily life.
If you're struggling to eat, sleep, care for yourself, or participate in everyday activities, consider talking with your healthcare provider, a grief counselor, or a trusted support professional.
Grief support groups can also provide valuable connections with people navigating similar experiences.
Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness. It's a meaningful step toward healing.
Helping Children Navigate Holiday Grief
Children experience grief differently from adults, and their understanding of loss changes as they grow.
Chaplain Kampert encouraged parents and caregivers to maintain familiar routines, answer questions honestly, and create opportunities for children to remember loved ones.
Children might draw pictures, create memory boxes, hang special ornaments, or participate in family remembrance activities.
It's also important for children to understand that sadness and happiness can coexist.
They can miss someone deeply and still enjoy Christmas morning.
Most importantly, children don't need adults to make their grief disappear. They need love, reassurance, patience, and someone willing to walk beside them.
How to Support Someone Who Is Grieving
Sometimes we want so badly to help someone feel better that we unintentionally put pressure on them to move forward before they're ready.
Statements such as "You need to move on" or "You should be over this by now" can make someone feel misunderstood.
Instead, Chaplain Kampert encouraged offering practical, specific assistance.
Rather than simply saying, "Call me if you need anything," consider offering to help with grocery shopping, preparing a meal, running errands, or decorating.
And perhaps most importantly, respect their decisions about how they choose to celebrate—or not celebrate—the holidays.
You don't have to fix someone's grief to make a meaningful difference in their life.
Sometimes simply being present is enough.
Finding Hope While Honoring the Past
One of the most meaningful themes throughout our Health Matters conversation was that grief is personal.
No two people experience loss in exactly the same way.
The first holiday season without a loved one may look very different from the years that follow. Some traditions may return, others may change, and new ones may develop.
There is no deadline for healing and no expectation that every holiday must be joyful.
Be patient with yourself. Give yourself grace. And remember that accepting moments of happiness doesn't diminish the love you have for someone who is gone.
Watch the Full Health Matters Conversation
For more guidance on managing holiday grief, helping children cope with loss, and supporting grieving friends and family members, watch our full conversation with Chaplain Joseph Kampert of Aultman Health System.
Watch: Navigating Grief During the Holidays | Health Matters
Health Matters with Medicine Center Pharmacy is hosted by pharmacist Brad White and supported by Aultman Health System. Our mission is to provide practical health education, trusted information, and meaningful conversations that help individuals and families live healthier lives.
Visit medshoprx.com to learn more about Medicine Center Pharmacy and explore additional Health Matters episodes.
Thanks for listening today! We’d like to remind our listeners, if you suspect you have a medical issue, please contact your healthcare provider. Thanks to our sponsor Aultman Health System. As always, we thank our listeners for joining us on Health Matters with the Medicine Center Pharmacy. Have a healthy week and we’ll see you again next Friday right here on News Talk 1480 WHBC.